Who Comes and Never Goes
This is the same night I have ever passed before. I’m
lonely, without a friend or a boyfriend. I just stay at home. Play with my
notebook, hand phone or radio. Nothing else, and nothing special. Actually, I
just need a friend. Not for doing many thing, but just for accompanying me. Just
it. “Huh, it sounds grieving!” I thought.
I
start opening my notebook, turn it on. Waiting for a minute.
Just
a moment, my notebook has been active. I turn on the winamp, use the headset,
and enjoy some songs of Western. I choose Broken, the song of Amy Lee
feat Seeter. It reminds me of two special persons in my life. Hufff.
Broken… I want to yell that I’m broken……!!!
Then
I check my e-mail. Nothing. Something that I’m waiting for there is no. I check
my facebook. Still same. I feel disappointed. “Where’s my best friend?!!” I
want to cry.
Suddenly,
my phone that I put beside my notebook is ringing. There is a SMS. I read.
“Good evening… How’s everything Ay? J”
That’s the message. I frown. Then I
reply.
“Good evening… I’m fine. (^_^) I’m sorry;
may I know who it is?”
“It’s Reza. Reza
Anggana Satria.”
My heart suddenly gets pain after
reading that message. I read again. I spell letter by letter. REZA. My heart
increase pain. Then my phone is ringing again.
“Ay, do you still remember me well? I
just want to know your condition now.”
There is an old pain that I feel again.
I don’t want remember it again. But, I can’t flee. I must face the reality now.
Then I reply his message.
“yes, of course. I have never tried to
forget all of people that have ever existed in my life. And my life now is very
well.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I hope we are
still friend like long time ago.”
“I hope so. Za, I want
to know Kiran’s condition. She has never replied all of my messages nowadays.
I’m worried about her condition. Please tell her that I’m still waiting for her
messages.”
I wait for Reza’s message. But he
doesn’t reply my message again. Something happens. I don’t know.
9.00
p.m.
I
turn off my notebook. I prepare for sleeping. Then I fall down my body in bed.
I remember of Reza. I remember of Kiran. They are two meaningful persons in my
life. And I feel that I’m losing them now.
I
close my eyes and try to sleep. But their shadow is so strong in my marrow. I
can’t stop not shedding tears. My heart is pain. Memories with them were so
nice. Even those memories bring me meet them in the dream of my sleep. It’s
felt so real.
*
* *
“It
will be a nice day.” I thought.
As
usual, I experience my activity, go to campus. I take on public transportation,
my motorcycle is repaired. I sit in front of two girls of Senior High School’s
student. They are friend’s couple. I look at them, and pay attention for them two.
They chat each other and look cheerful. They really remind me of Kiran. I look
at them same as with I look myself and Kiran long time ago, where we are always
together. Those days have gone. And now, I’m yearning of her. I don’t know the
reason why Kiran have never sent me messages again since one month ago. I
always try to guess it, but I still get nothing.
15
minutes later.
I
take off from public transportation in front of my campus. I walk down the
street towards my class slowly. Just three minutes, I arrive in my class. Still
empty. I wait in front of class. And then, anymore I must look something that reminds
me of someone, Reza. I see a couple is chatting and joking. Romantic but
disgusted. That view really reminds me of memories with Reza. He is my friend
at the same time my love. An amazing moment, even though just for a moment
we’re together.
My
heart suddenly gets pain again. I’m yearning of Reza. I’m feeling lapse now.
My
phone is ringing. It realizes me from my fantasy.
A
SMS. From Vina. I read.
“Aya, where are you now?”
“In
front of class. Where are you? Our class is still empty.”
“I’m
home. I’m sorry. I have not given you information yet. Our lecturer will not
come in. So, we are free today.”
I get surprise. Oh my God. I am sad. “Why am I here?
It’s vain.” I’m grumbling. This is not a nice day I think.
“Never mind. Thank you. I’ll go home
now.” I replied sadly.
Then
I leave the class. I feel sad, I feel disappointed. I walk down towards gate of
campus. But I don’t know where I want to go. I walk with dilly-dally step. It
feels vacuous. “Ooh I need a friend. Kiran, Reza… I want you two. I wanna hold
you two.” I talk to my self. “I want to cry… I feel alone. All by my self.”
I
want to know Kiran’s condition. I want to go to Jakarta to meet Kiran. But I’m
afraid of meeting with Reza there. I think, I can’t meet them both in a same
time. I’m confused. What should I do?
I
sit on the chair beside the campus gate. I bend my face. My phone rings. A
number that gave me messages last night is calling. REZA. I’m shocked. I
receive that calling.
Just
for a while, there isn’t voice. Silent.
“Hallo…”
I spook slowly.
“Hallo…
Aya…”
That voice vibrates my heart directly.
As a long time I didn’t hear this voice which make me comfortable.
“Aya…
Why do you bend your face? You look so gloomy.”
“Why
do you know Za??” I’m confused.
“I
know, because I am here.” Suddenly a voice is heard beside me, a bit whisper in
my ear. I turn away.
“Reza??!!”
I’m shocked. I wake up directly.
He
smiles nicely. I’m still silent, without a word. All of my bodies become stiff.
“Ay…?”
He looks at me.
“Emh..
Yes. Why are you here?” I try to speak, although it’s so difficult.
“I
want to take you to one place. Come on!” He pulls my hand and takes me into his
motorcycle. I can’t refuse. I’m just quiet. I don’t know where he will take me
to.
*
* *
20
minutes later. We arrive in one place where we used to meet, a place which is
full of memory.
For
a moment, we’re just quiet.
“Why
are you here Za? Does Kiran know that you’re here?” I tried to open
conversation. But he’s just silent.
“Why
do you just keep silent?? Is Kiran fine, Za?” My voice tone sounds hard. But
Reza’s still silent. He closes his eyes. I look at him. Then I remember again
our memory. “This face that always exists in my marrow. And the memories with
you always exist in my heart. Forever.” I say with myself.
And
unconsciously, I remember again the moment when we’re together. Very beautiful.
He is the one that can make me feel happy. I can’t find the precise words to
show my feel with him. Too meaningful. I like this feeling very much, because it’s
very pleased fall in love with my best friend.
I
look into his face in a long time. I float off in my memory with him, with all
of my feeling for him.
After
a while, he opens his eyes. It realizes me from my fantasy.
“Za,
answer my question! Does something happen with Kiran? You didn’t tell Kiran
what happen to us last time, did you? Answer me! Don’t make me worried!” I am
quite angry.
“Something
happens with Kiran. And that is why I am here now.” He answered dismally.
“Tell
me, what happen? Please!” I hold his arm.
“I
will not tell you here. I want you know by yourself what happen to Kiran. I
will take you to her.”
“So,
why do you take me to this place, if you won’t tell me the truth here.”
“I just want you remember all of your
feeling to me and our memory here. I don’t want you forget it, even just a
little.” He glances me deeply. Then he takes me into his motorcycle.
*
* *
A
half an hour we arrive in front of a house. I know that house very well,
because that house is one place where Reza, Kiran and I used to spend our time
together. That is Kiran’s house. I have never come to this house for long time.
As I know that this house was empty since one year ago Karin continued her
study in Jakarta.
Reza
invites me to come in to this house. I’m still confused, but my heart starts
vibrating. Then we are towards a room. We enter the room. I see a woman sit on
the wheel chair. I approach her. Then she turns away.
“Kiran???”
I’m very shocked. I hug her directly. I can’t stop shedding tears, neither can she.
Feeling of longing mixed to sorrow.
After
a moment, we discharge our embrace. I look at her seriously. Reza and I help
her to sit on the chair, and then we sit beside her.
“What
happen to you?” I asked slowly. She looks different now. Her body becomes thinner
and weaker. Her face is pale.
She
doesn’t answer my question. She just smiles. I see that she is still beautiful.
“Kiran
has suffered liver cancer since several years ago. But she has never told it to
anyone. She used to show that she is healthy. And I knew about her sickness
once month ago, when her condition was very drop. And doctor told me that she
has suffered liver cancer in stadium 4. I was very sad because she hid her pain
by herself.” Reza explained sadly.
I’m crying sob while Reza is explaining. I
feel that it’s not real.
“I’m
sad. Why didn’t you tell me about your pain?” I hold Kiran’s arm strongly.
Kiran
smiles again. Then she speaks smoothly. “We are same Aya. Do you feel that you
used to tell me anything in your life?”
“What
do you mean?” I asked astonished.
“I
know about you and Reza, Ay. Did you think that you can hide your feeling both
from me, your close friend? No Ay.”
“I
have never intended to lie. I just felt that I betrayed our amity by having
feeling with Reza. And I thought that you have same feeling with me to Reza.
So, I’m willing if I give Reza to you. And I decided to continue my study here,
in Tasik, in order to avoid you two. I have never intended hiding all this from
you, because I have forgotten all now.”
“hmm,
one more time you are lie. I know that you two are still in love. Reza and I were
just friend, same with you. I love Reza same as Reza love me, as a best friend,
just it. But I let you do what you wanted to do last year. I received your
heart kindness giving Reza to me, for I couldn’t be alone and I needed a friend
to accompany me passing my days with my pain.”
I
gaze her deeply. She looks so weak, but she stick try to looks strong, even
though she is getting pain. My heart gets pain for I see my best friend like
this. I have never imagined it can happen to Kiran, a spoiled girl. Why does it
not happen to me? I’m willing if I must change her painfulness.
“Don’t
gaze me like that Ay? I am not as painful as what you imagine. I am strong,
even stronger than you which always look obstinate though brittle.” Kiran said
softly.
“Why
did you not share your pain with me and Reza, Ran?” I asked disappointed.
“I
didn’t want to increase your burden, because you two were broken. I have been
very thankful for you two, since you two never let me feel alone.” Kiran’s
voice is slower than before. I can’t stop crying sob, and Reza can’t either.
“Do
you two still remember about the meaning of our friendship?” I asked to them.
“Friendship
is not about who knows earlier, not about who knows more and not about whom
more often together. But friend is who comes and never goes.” Reza answered
directly.
“Ay,
Za, you two are lucky, because you fall in love with your best friend.”
“I’m
lucky I’m in love with my best friend…” Reza and I are singing at the same
time. Kiran smiles nicely. But my heart is sad. She looks such arrest her pain.
“Ay, don’t do what you did last year! A
friend is someone who always remembers his friend in his pray. And that is what
always Reza do. He always involved us two in his days. Although Reza has never
met you for one year, you are always in his heart. And I know that you are same
with Reza, Ay.”
“What
did you say Kiran? Don’t talk anymore, you will be more painful.” I said.
“Keep
silent Ran!” Reza said.
Kiran
speaks little by little. “No, it’s time
for me to go. I want to say what I want to say. I don’t intend to leave you
two, but I can’t survive again. I’m happy, because I will go between you two.”
“I’m
sad, why must we meet in situation like this.” I cursed.
“I
hope you two will never be apart. I love you two.” Karin closes his eyes with
saying God’s name. She breathes her last breath. She leans on Reza’s shoulder
while she is holding my hand. Her face is so beaming. She has just gone
peacefully.
I
know, this is the way of God. He collects us in condition like this. My friend
has gone, but I still have Reza, my best friend and my love.
I
am very sad, and Reza is too. We have lost our best friend. But she will stay
in our heart, now and forever after. Because friend is who comes and never
goes.
31/1/2012
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